Help breeze into the party by starting off on the right foot and not showing up empty-handed. No matter how rich they are or where they come from, you’ll look like a deadbeat if you show up with nothing. Bring the right gifts and your host will give you the benefit of the doubt when you make other mistakes, like ripping on soccer when her dad loves Pele, or giving the diabetic dog pumpkin pie with whipped cream.
Here are the top 10 things to bring on Thanksgiving.
No.10 Dessert
Even the most obsessive-compulsive mother won’t mind another saccharine temptress joining her well-planned menu. The obvious choice here is pumpkin pie, but chances are your store-bought pie will be joining three homemade ones without much thought. Unless your pumpkin pie recipe causes mouth orgasms, throw the guests a sugary curveball. Bring pumpkin ice cream and a bottle of brandy to pour a shot on each scoop (if you live in the Southwest, try tequila). Another option is going to your local bakery for the town's specialty. People enjoy being introduced to new things -- just make sure it’s not a Scottish dessert made with sheep innards.
No.9 Bread
This doesn’t mean showing up with a loaf of Wonder Bread -- go to your local bakery and ask what they recommend for a Thanksgiving dinner. If you really want to score bonus points, bake your own -- you don’t even need a bread machine. Make cranberry corn bread in your oven. If you want to stay macho, make beer bread -- it calls for six ingredients (one of which you can drink) and it only takes an hour to bake.
No.8 Gifts for the pets and/or kids
If history tells us anything, women cannot resist two things: men holding babies and men petting cute animals. You can blast Young Jeezy on grandma’s turntable as long as you’re also slipping a new sweater on Fluffy. Find out what animals will be around and bring appropriate gifts. If there are children, bring activities for them. Show them how to make hand turkeys with colorful paper. If they’re older, bring a new title for their video game system. The parents will adore you for distracting them for even a short time.
No.7 Coffee
Don’t skimp by bringing Folgers or be unoriginal by buying Starbucks. Go to a nice cafe and ask questions about people- pleasing coffees. Don’t go too dark or too light. Buy a great dessert coffee, a good decaf and something that kicks everyone in the ass the next morning. Have the cafe grind it in a fresh bag. Bringing whole beans to a grinder-less house is like bringing a knife to a gunfight -- useless. Premium coffee is often an overlooked detail during Thanksgiving. It’ll make you look meticulous, a trait that scores big points with fathers who don’t want their daughters ending up with a Seth Rogen-type character.
No.6 Fall bouquet
If you’re walking into a Mom-zilla situation, she’ll already have the perfect Thanksgiving centerpiece. Bring a nice bouquet that won’t outshine her arrangement. This will score you huge mom points, which you’ll need when Uncle Larry drinks too much eggnog and challenges you to a fistfight. If your lady thinks her mom may not have a centerpiece, drop some extra cash on a bouquet set in a pumpkin or fancy bowl. That way it can be placed on the dinner table or coffee table.
No.5 Seasonal
wine charms There’s nothing more embarrassing than Great-Grandma Shirley screaming at you because you accidentally gulped Merlot from her glass. Bring Thanksgiving-themed wine charms and save everyone some awkward moments. You can pick up a set for under $10. While you may be tempted to spend more, chances are they already have a nice set if they’re a wine family. The seasonal charms will make you look festive, and each Thanksgiving they’ll think of you with each pour -- whether you’re still around or not.
No.4 DVDs
While everyone is tripping out on tryptophan, be the hero and pop in the perfect holiday DVD. "Son-in-Law" and "Home for the Holidays" aren’t great movies, but they’re both Thanksgiving-themed and safe for families. If there aren’t children around, bring the Thanksgiving classics "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" or "Hannah and Her Sisters". If there are children, bring the latest Pixar film or "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving". Usually, you can’t go wrong with your favorite Christmas film either -- unless they’re Jewish.
No.3 Games
Skip Monopoly, otherwise Aunt Sandy will be chucking hotels at you by 3 a.m. Board games like Scattergories or DVD games like Scene It? are great ways to avoid conversation. Research Thanksgiving trivia and write up your own 10-question game. Have everyone guess the answers and award the winner with a prize. If her family likes football, coordinate a small pool for the Thanksgiving games. After children go to bed, ask if anyone wants to play Texas Hold‘Em and break out your poker chips. Just be sure to keep the stakes friendly and let her dad win.
No.2 Camera/video camera
Everybody likes their holidays documented, but many times no one wants to be in charge of the camera. Bring your digital camera and snap lots of photos. Upload them to an online album and send e-mails to the family. Even if they didn’t like you before, they’ll appreciate the effort afterward. If you’re video-inclined, capture some footage and splice together a home movie. Burn DVDs and give them out as holiday presents. If something funny happens (and isn’t embarrassing), cut together a short YouTube video. Families love to pretend they’re on America’s Funniest Home Videos.
No.1 Booze
Do your research -- find out who drinks and ask what that person’s favorite poison is. Spend the most on the patriarch’s bottle, but surprise the wayward uncle with his favorite gin and the sister-in-law with blueberry- infused vodka. If you’re not sure what people drink, bring a couple of six-packs of holiday ale or pumpkin beer and nice bottles of white and red wine (Pinot Noir and Sauvignon Blanc are Thanksgiving classics). Once you establish yourself as a drinking buddy, strained conversation will cease. They’ll kick back and tell you family secrets. Remember: You can learn a lot about your date from her drunken uncle.
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